|Scott of the Stapp: Book Second
||[Jan. 29th, 2004|12:59 am]
The Council of Nine
There I stood, surrounded by a forest so black and wiry, that it rivaled the pubic pelt of a female hippie, foul smelling flower pixies from the West. Yes, Scott of the Stapp's pectoral mane was a force to be reckoned with indeed.|
And still I persevered, destroying every midnight patch that stood between me and that wretched heart of his. I chopped and chopped for days, soaked in sweat and lactating milk from his gargantuan teats. Unfortunately, it was my only source of nourishment during my journey. Worry overcame me that I too would start penning ballads of faggotry such as Scott of the Stapp had.
It was on the seventh day that I came across a most treacherous discovery. Imprisoned in a particularly nasty crossection of hair was Sir Edward the Vedder. Sir Edward was a famous, ancient minstrel from the Age of Grunge. His band of minstrels, collectively called Pearl Marmalade, created a myriad of songs that became well known throughout the land for some strange reason. It is widely rumored that Sir Edward had a secret alliance with an order of fell wizards who put an enchantment on the entire land during the Age of Grunge, forcing citizens to enjoy the terrible music. However, Sir Edward mysteriously vanished one day, and had been missing for eons.
During my murky stay in Scott of the Stapp's furry jungle, Sir Edward revealed to me that his voice had been bequeathed to Scott of the Stapp against his will! Unfortunately, Sir Edward the Vedder's ballads are nearly as horrible as Scott of the Stapp's, causing me to quickly plunge my broadsword into his flanneled chest and move forward, knowing that I was nearing the conclusion of my journey....