|Scott of the Stapp: Book First
||[Jan. 24th, 2004|06:31 pm]
The Council of Nine
I apologize for my failure to contribute to the sacred scriptures of the council as of late, for I have been wandering the wilderness of Tallahassee, Land of the Mystic. It serves as my stomping ground during the springtime, a haven where I may further my academic journey, and deflower many fair maidens in the process!|
The Land of the Mystic was originally inhabited by Osceola, a red skinned alchemist who invented stinkweed, a foul smelling potion that would alter one's perception after being smoked in a pipe. It would also make them extremely hungry, resulting in many a romp in the gourmet chambers of our kitchen halls. The consumers of the narcotic would spend countless hours in there, anxiously searching the pantries for salted porcine skin, poached turkey, and drained onion skins known as Funions, a delicacy in the culinary world of stinkweed.
Osceola's potion drew many scholars, squires, maidens and knights from around the land to sample his new invention. These folk included the dark warriors of Timberland, and even the albinos who would often try and mimic them by wearing their tunics below their knees!
Having so many powerful brains under the charm of stinkweed, Tallahassee became an academic haven for thousands upon thousands of citizens all wishing to learn the ways of liberal arts. Among these citizens were a group of minstrels who collectively called themselves Creed. Their leader, the widely loathed Scott of the Stapp, was known for having a chest so hairy, that it rivaled those of the ogres of Greece.
Scott of the Stapp would often study Angelology and worship Jesus, a brown skinned steward of the South known for his skill when it came to tending the castle greens. However, Scott of the Stapp feared that worshipping a foreign gardener would make him appear less ferocious, so he denied his faith, even though it was quite apparent in his awful songs of blind men seeing and Sunday mornings. Therefore, he and his band of minstrels were banished from the land for Fradulent Faith.
Unfortunately, this was not the last we would see of Scott of the Stapp. A fortnight ago, he returned to Tallahassee with his minstrels, determined to perform once more in the Halls of Civic, our largest citadel. I was summoned forth to stop his madness. I bravely answered the request with my hammer and broadsword in hand, ready to take on whatever tomfoolery lay ahead of me. I made haste to the citadel and plunged my broadsword into Scott of the Stapp's leech infested chest. However, I was unable to reach the heart, due to his gargantuan, repugnant bushel of pectoral hair! I then knew that if I wanted to pierce his Jesus loving flesh, I would have to conquer the deciduous forest of percipitating hair that blocked it. In I went, unaware of the darkness that lay before me.....